Is there a Right and Wrong Way to Get Motivated?

The other day I was talking with a friend and he asked me a question that kind of caught me off guard for a number of reasons. When he left I started journaling about it/my thoughts since and decided I wanted to write about it on here. I’m not even sure what’s the best way to get this out but thought it could be a good thing. So let me just ramble and share and talk about whats rattling around in my head, okay? Okay. So what did my friend ask me?

Had I noticed any difference in the way men treated me since I had lost weight?

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I started to type up all the thoughts that raced through my head after I heard the question but I don’t think I could adequately explain even with all the blog space on the internet.

Simple answer? Yes.

I didn’t lose weight to get more dates or to find a husband… necessarily. I lost weight for my health, but let’s be real, it was like 90% of the reason. The other 10% were plain old superficial reasons. Yes, I wanted (want) to feel good, but I also wanted to look good. And I do look better. And guys are noticing.

Fitness motivation get fit

When I date someone new, eventually I feel like I need to “disclose” my fat past. Ha. It’s not that big a secret but it is a part of me and my weight is constantly on my mind. After 27ish years of being overweight, there are lingering insecurities. It’s been over 2 years since I hit my goal weight (although it’s crept up a few… or 20) But there are times when I really really really feel like that 180 lb girl again. And boys didn’t think that 180 lbs girl was that cute.

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And the truth is, it’s NICE to feel attractive to the opposite sex. (Or preferred sex.) It’s nice to be asked out on a date and get dressed up and actually like your outfit and not just put on whatever hides your belly or doesn’t give you a muffin top.

Losing weight for a man shouldn’t be the sole reason. It shouldn’t be the top of the list. I am in no way advocating that it be. But can it be on the list at all? Can it be wayyy down at the bottom? Sometimes I am grasping at whatever motivates me to get to the gym or pick baby carrots over Cheetos. So yes, sometimes the only thing that gets through to me is the thought of my ass looking hot in jeans next time this guy sees me.

Inspirational Fitness Quote - Motivational Quotes: 18 Fitness Quotes to Inspire You to Work Harder | Shape Magazine

 

Losing Weight Takes Time But Time Will Pass

In my Pre-calc class, my teach hung a sign next to the clock that read, “Time will pass. Will you?”

I’ve been thinking a lot about this saying lately. I obviously am not  having to “pass” anything anymore but back when I was in my ‘post goal weight but the scale is creeping back up’ funk I would focus on how much time it took to lose 50 pounds. It took me a while. Probably longer than it would take you. Yeah losing weight comes with a sacrifice, yes it can be hard but it also takes patience. 

b-and-a

They say the average is 0.5-2 lbs a week. I think I would say it’s fair for me to lose 1 lb a week. If I have to lose 15 lbs then that’s 15 weeks. That’s almost 4 whole months! That’s freaking April!

So I wouldn’t even try. Huh?

Time will pass. No matter if I eat healthy, exercise, sleep all day or eat pizza at every meal. April will be here before I know it! So I might as well. Maybe I’m the only gal that obsesses over the time table. Maybe it was just another subconscious excuse to go through the Del Taco Drive Thru 1 more time. But I can either lose, maintain or gain weight for the next 15  +/- weeks. The choice is 100% on me.

If you saw my monthly check in post a couple weeks ago, you’ll see that I lost 8 pounds in 4 weeks! So now I’m only 6 lbs away from my “goal” anyway and that feels very doable!

 

I got a B in that class by the way.

 

 

Monthy Check in: February

1 month into 2017! It’s been a good month and exciting things are coming my way this year. I didn’t really make a “new years resolution” but I did recommit to healthy eating and I’ve been tracking pretty well this month and am proud of that. I’m not 100% but I’m really only aiming for 80% and I think I hit that goal on the head so I’m doing okay.

I don’t think it’s a secret to anyone that in the past year since hitting my “goal weight” I’ve been creeping back up the scale and falling back into old habits. Weight loss and healthy eating is an on going journey and never a straight descending line on a chart so I’ve given myself a break a little bit but that doesn’t mean I want to get anywhere close to where I started!! So I’m back on the wagon.

b-and-a

On Jan 5th I weighed in for my new starting weight and clocked in at 159.8. Still lower than what I weighed in high school but a whole 20 pounds heavier than my lowest! I always kept 145 as the “goal” so still 14 lbs up from that! (I’m pretty much sticking to that 145 goal again but keeping in mind that I am and my body is more than just a number and plenty of things affect the number on the scale. It’s  a guideline not a measurement of self worth!!)

All day yesterday I was tempted! It was a really rough go. Donuts are my very very fav and a new donut shop opened here in town with fancy pants donuts and TWO coworkers brought in boxes of them.

donuts

I sent a text to my gym bud/BFF looking for support and he was beyond unhelpful haha! Then he kept sending me pictures of my FAV foods (he knows me way too well!) The conversation ended with my just sending him the middle finger emoji! Haha. Thanks Al.

al-coon

al-con

I did have about 5 bites or so of all different flavors and they were all beyond delicious. Someday I’m going to have to go back there when I have the extra macros and indulge!!

So after that mental exercise all day, this morning it was time to step on the scale:

151-3

151.3

I will take that! I know the first week is always a big number (water weight) and next month it wont be as big a number but I’m proud of myself!

Measurements this morning clocked in at

pre-yog
Right before I went off to Hot  Yoga! 

36″ Bust

28″ Waist (around the smallest part)

38″ Hips (around the widest part)

 

I know that consistency is so so important so that’s my focus. Keep tracking, keep putting my health high up on the priority list and we will see what Feb brings!

 

Things We Give Power To- Weight Loss is a Long Journey

This blog is just a little hobby. It isn’t much. Just a way for me to get my thoughts out and give me just tiniest bit incentive to stay on track. Only a few people I know “IRL” know about this place.

blue-shirt

I don’t blog with any regularity. I also don’t remember what I’ve said! Haha but since I do feel like I have a bit of anonymity and the tiniest of tiny soap boxes, there are some things I want to talk about.  I want to be more open and honest in 2017 (and maybe a bit more organized with these little posts of mine.)

Today I want to show off my blue shirt.

Here’s how I normally do my day. I go to the gym in the/my morning (I wake up around 2 pm usually) and go straight from there to work. (I work from 8pm to 6am)  I have been known to forget 1) underroos 2) a bra 3) my hair dryer 4) shoes. It’s a miracle when I remember to bring all required equipment it takes to make me presentable.

Today I went into my closet to grab work clothes and originally I planned to wear a dress but decided to wait till tomorrow so I can dress up a bit for NYE. Then I saw this shirt hanging in the back of my closet.

I bought this shirt years ago. From Ross I think. It’s not fancy. But when I bought it (4 years ago??) it was too small and I never wore it. But I didn’t take it back or toss it. It just stayed on its hanger.

Then I lost 50 pounds. And I tried on the shirt again and it fit! I remember being SO ecstatic. One more reminder that all my hard work paid off.

And then I gained 20 pounds (well 19 to be exact!)   Laying it all out on the table and I’m not proud at all to admit this. But since hitting my goal weight, I’ve gotten comfortable and back into some old habits. I’m nowhere near my highest weight and there is some muscle on this body of mine. But I’m up. And my clothes have been fitting more and more snug lately.  And I haven’t worn this shirt in a while.

So this morning, I stood in my closet trying to pack up for work and I saw this shirt and told myself I couldn’t wear it. I didn’t think I could fit into it. But lately I’ve been working really hard to overcome some of the issues I let plague me and that includes some BDD thoughts. So I grabbed this shirt and stuffed into my bag (and prayed it fit! I do keep an extra shirt in my gym locker. I can forget a hair dryer and still go to work but a shirt? I don’t think that would fly.)

I worked out (turned into a back day. No time for biceps…) and then I got dressed. IT FITS! I would dare say, it’s even roomy.

I gave this shirt so much power. I refused to wear it or even try it on because of what I let it signify. I was so scared of what it would mean “when” it was too small again. It’s just a damn shirt. Haha. I’ve worked hard to get where I am now, even if it’s not where I would like to end up. But guess what, my journey isn’t over!

Transformation: Christmas Edition

When I was around ohhh 13? my grandmother gave me a Chrsitmas T-shirt that I have worn every year since! If I’m right about my age, it’s been 16 years. There’s a hole in it. I don’t care. Especially since my grandma passed, it’s priceless to me. I hope to wear it for the next 50 years.

I of course, am wearing it today! I didn’t think much of it except that it’s my Christmas shirt. Then I stumbled (really I didn’t even remember this picture existing!) of me wearing this shirt 4 years ago!

old-tee

All I can say is, Woahhhhhh. I can’t get over my face. It looks swollen!

I came to work today and partook in all the Christmas treats. Cookies, popcorn, fudge. I didn’t even try and say no. I happily ate what I wanted. And to be honest, my pants are getting tight! I know I’ve gained some weight since my smallest but this picture really put it in perspective for me. I never ever ever want to get back there.

same-tee

This was me today. (Sorry for the lighting. The bathroom lights are ridiculous.) These 2 girls barely even look related! It kinda looks like I’m pulling at my shirt but really I’m trying to show you how much extra room is there.  A LOT of work went down  in these 4 year interim between these two pictures. Work I am damn proud of!!

The Trifecta of Weight Gain

I am injured, stressed and heartbroken. The trifecta of weight gain…

This past week has been a rough one. I’m officially giving up on this idea of running the Turkey Trot this year. I thought my ankle was getting better and I think I pushed it too far yesterday, because today I am hobbling! Better to skip a 10K and heal completely than risk further damage. Now I’m just hoping I’ll be ready for the 12K of Christmas on 12/10!

braced
braced and bruised!

I was able to see the chiropractor who, if you live in the Phoenix Valley, I adore her and definitely recommend. I got whiplash in the accident and she could feel the inflammation in my shoulders. I’ll have to go back 2-3 more times she thinks but she was so beyond helpful with insurance and everything. The ‘paperwork’ of all this post- accident stuff has been a hassle to say the least! Stress, stress, stress. But I’m making baby steps. I have had an amazing support system of family and friends that I cannot thank enough! So during this season of gratitude, I am ever thankful for them.

Then there’s the heartbreak. I know, again… This time was ugly and unexpected! Dating is so hard, you guys. So in between phone calls to insurance and icing my ankle, I’ve been checking my phone for texts that will never come and crying.

And then I eat.

I’ve been eating everything I shouldn’t! Falling into old (bad) habits. Grabbing fast food and take out because I really have been busy and want comfort food. Going too long between eating while I’m running around doing all these errands and then coming home and eating my way through my entire kitchen. Too tired to cook. Too sad to get up and be productive. Stressed out. Can’t stand for too long (let alone work out and at least burn off some of these calories!) And most of all, punishing myself with food.

And the holidays are here! It’s hard for everyone not to gain over the holidays. Temptations and treats are more than abundant.

 :

I recognize what I am doing. I know that each one of these factors, injury/stress/sadness are battles I need to fight for the sake of my health but when it’s 3 against one, I have been waving the white flag more often than I should.

before-and-after

Now is the time to be strong. To stand up to myself. To stand up FOR myself. Eating isn’t going to solve my problem; eating unhealthy will create more problems. It’s not going to be easy. I’m not going to be perfect. But I cannot give up on myself.

 

 

There’s no such thing as a BAD food. It’s not what. It’s WHY!

I am not an expert on anything I’m intending on rambling about today. I have major food issues. I’m constantly struggling with my relationship with food. These past two years, I’ve come a long way but it’s very easy for me to revert to some old habits. Habits that got me wayyy too close to 200 lbs.

before-and-after

Today I was chatting with a friend who has weight loss goals and she said she “shouldn’t be eating” something. (I won’t even go into what she was referring to was NOT an unhealthy food.)

I 100%* believe there isn’t any food you “shouldn’t” eat.

pizza
The most delicious pizza I think I ever had! Why did I eat it? ‘cuz I’d just ran a fricking Ultra Ragnar! 

(*you know, unless it’s harmful, you’re allergic, you know what I mean!)

Pizza. Cake. Bananas. Sushi. Fried chicken. Whatever! Whatever fits into your plan. When we start looking at food as good v bad, that’s when we foster that unhealthy view of food and eating. You can’t live a life indulgent-free. It’s not possible! And guess what, it’s not healthy.

It’s not about what you eat. It’s about WHY you’re eating. Sometimes I feed my emotions. I punish myself with food. I celebrate with food. Eating is something for me to do when I’m bored. Not great, guys. I don’t recommend!

better

When I look at food as fuel, as something that gives me energy to run and lift and move my body, then food loses some of it’s power over me.  Yes it’s a struggle and I have weakness and trigger foods and all that diet jargon. But instead of beating myself up for eating the “bad food” going forward I’m more focused on what my reason/excuse was to eat it. Was it because I was sad? Bored? Angry? Depressed? Happy? Felt I “deserved” it?

hot-choc
Stuffing my face full of whipped cream and hot chocolate. Totally worth it.

And how do I feel after I ate whatever it was? Guilty? Satisfied? Is it going to move me closer to my goals?

 

Now I’m not strict enough that I’m saying I do this for every meal/snack/treat. I don’t sit down and think about every morsel of food I put into my mouth. This life and lifestyle is about BALANCE. It’s about making as many healthy choices (for me!) that I can and learning from and moving on from the unhealthy ones.