Things We Give Power To- Weight Loss is a Long Journey

This blog is just a little hobby. It isn’t much. Just a way for me to get my thoughts out and give me just tiniest bit incentive to stay on track. Only a few people I know “IRL” know about this place.

blue-shirt

I don’t blog with any regularity. I also don’t remember what I’ve said! Haha but since I do feel like I have a bit of anonymity and the tiniest of tiny soap boxes, there are some things I want to talk about.  I want to be more open and honest in 2017 (and maybe a bit more organized with these little posts of mine.)

Today I want to show off my blue shirt.

Here’s how I normally do my day. I go to the gym in the/my morning (I wake up around 2 pm usually) and go straight from there to work. (I work from 8pm to 6am)  I have been known to forget 1) underroos 2) a bra 3) my hair dryer 4) shoes. It’s a miracle when I remember to bring all required equipment it takes to make me presentable.

Today I went into my closet to grab work clothes and originally I planned to wear a dress but decided to wait till tomorrow so I can dress up a bit for NYE. Then I saw this shirt hanging in the back of my closet.

I bought this shirt years ago. From Ross I think. It’s not fancy. But when I bought it (4 years ago??) it was too small and I never wore it. But I didn’t take it back or toss it. It just stayed on its hanger.

Then I lost 50 pounds. And I tried on the shirt again and it fit! I remember being SO ecstatic. One more reminder that all my hard work paid off.

And then I gained 20 pounds (well 19 to be exact!)   Laying it all out on the table and I’m not proud at all to admit this. But since hitting my goal weight, I’ve gotten comfortable and back into some old habits. I’m nowhere near my highest weight and there is some muscle on this body of mine. But I’m up. And my clothes have been fitting more and more snug lately.  And I haven’t worn this shirt in a while.

So this morning, I stood in my closet trying to pack up for work and I saw this shirt and told myself I couldn’t wear it. I didn’t think I could fit into it. But lately I’ve been working really hard to overcome some of the issues I let plague me and that includes some BDD thoughts. So I grabbed this shirt and stuffed into my bag (and prayed it fit! I do keep an extra shirt in my gym locker. I can forget a hair dryer and still go to work but a shirt? I don’t think that would fly.)

I worked out (turned into a back day. No time for biceps…) and then I got dressed. IT FITS! I would dare say, it’s even roomy.

I gave this shirt so much power. I refused to wear it or even try it on because of what I let it signify. I was so scared of what it would mean “when” it was too small again. It’s just a damn shirt. Haha. I’ve worked hard to get where I am now, even if it’s not where I would like to end up. But guess what, my journey isn’t over!

The Trifecta of Weight Gain

I am injured, stressed and heartbroken. The trifecta of weight gain…

This past week has been a rough one. I’m officially giving up on this idea of running the Turkey Trot this year. I thought my ankle was getting better and I think I pushed it too far yesterday, because today I am hobbling! Better to skip a 10K and heal completely than risk further damage. Now I’m just hoping I’ll be ready for the 12K of Christmas on 12/10!

braced
braced and bruised!

I was able to see the chiropractor who, if you live in the Phoenix Valley, I adore her and definitely recommend. I got whiplash in the accident and she could feel the inflammation in my shoulders. I’ll have to go back 2-3 more times she thinks but she was so beyond helpful with insurance and everything. The ‘paperwork’ of all this post- accident stuff has been a hassle to say the least! Stress, stress, stress. But I’m making baby steps. I have had an amazing support system of family and friends that I cannot thank enough! So during this season of gratitude, I am ever thankful for them.

Then there’s the heartbreak. I know, again… This time was ugly and unexpected! Dating is so hard, you guys. So in between phone calls to insurance and icing my ankle, I’ve been checking my phone for texts that will never come and crying.

And then I eat.

I’ve been eating everything I shouldn’t! Falling into old (bad) habits. Grabbing fast food and take out because I really have been busy and want comfort food. Going too long between eating while I’m running around doing all these errands and then coming home and eating my way through my entire kitchen. Too tired to cook. Too sad to get up and be productive. Stressed out. Can’t stand for too long (let alone work out and at least burn off some of these calories!) And most of all, punishing myself with food.

And the holidays are here! It’s hard for everyone not to gain over the holidays. Temptations and treats are more than abundant.

 :

I recognize what I am doing. I know that each one of these factors, injury/stress/sadness are battles I need to fight for the sake of my health but when it’s 3 against one, I have been waving the white flag more often than I should.

before-and-after

Now is the time to be strong. To stand up to myself. To stand up FOR myself. Eating isn’t going to solve my problem; eating unhealthy will create more problems. It’s not going to be easy. I’m not going to be perfect. But I cannot give up on myself.