I am not an expert on anything I’m intending on rambling about today. I have major food issues. I’m constantly struggling with my relationship with food. These past two years, I’ve come a long way but it’s very easy for me to revert to some old habits. Habits that got me wayyy too close to 200 lbs.
Today I was chatting with a friend who has weight loss goals and she said she “shouldn’t be eating” something. (I won’t even go into what she was referring to was NOT an unhealthy food.)
I 100%* believe there isn’t any food you “shouldn’t” eat.
(*you know, unless it’s harmful, you’re allergic, you know what I mean!)
Pizza. Cake. Bananas. Sushi. Fried chicken. Whatever! Whatever fits into your plan. When we start looking at food as good v bad, that’s when we foster that unhealthy view of food and eating. You can’t live a life indulgent-free. It’s not possible! And guess what, it’s not healthy.
It’s not about what you eat. It’s about WHY you’re eating. Sometimes I feed my emotions. I punish myself with food. I celebrate with food. Eating is something for me to do when I’m bored. Not great, guys. I don’t recommend!
When I look at food as fuel, as something that gives me energy to run and lift and move my body, then food loses some of it’s power over me. Yes it’s a struggle and I have weakness and trigger foods and all that diet jargon. But instead of beating myself up for eating the “bad food” going forward I’m more focused on what my reason/excuse was to eat it. Was it because I was sad? Bored? Angry? Depressed? Happy? Felt I “deserved” it?
And how do I feel after I ate whatever it was? Guilty? Satisfied? Is it going to move me closer to my goals?
Now I’m not strict enough that I’m saying I do this for every meal/snack/treat. I don’t sit down and think about every morsel of food I put into my mouth. This life and lifestyle is about BALANCE. It’s about making as many healthy choices (for me!) that I can and learning from and moving on from the unhealthy ones.
If you get that reference, I instantly have a crush on you.
I gym’d today! I did NOT want to. I was thinking of evvvery excuse I could to talk myself out of feeling guilty for not going to the gym but I saw through my own self and sucked it up and went.
I did a bunch of sprints on the treadmill. Not nearly as many as I should have (or as fast. hashtag I’m slow.)
Lately it has been a struggle for me to be anything resembling healthy. My eating has been all over the place which affects my endurance and motivation during my workouts. I’ve fallen back to a lot of old habits. Yikes, guys. Yikes. But I am ALWAYS trying.
While faking it till I make it, I’ve been coming up with every and any motivating factor I can to get myself to the gym. Including:
TUNES. That’s how I made it through today’s run. I’ve IG’d how I’m in love with the Hamilton soundtrack #Ham4Ham. (now lets be honest, if you shuffle Hamilton and It’s Quiet Uptown comes on you will cry so hard you won’t be able to see and you will fall and break your ankle. Trust.] Top w/o choices: My shot/ Guns and Ships/ Non Stop/ Say No to This/ The Room Where it Happened; I also want to star Aaron Burr Sir, The story of Tonight/ The Schuyler Sisters. GAH They’re all so good!! ok- don’t play Take a Break. because you will really want to take a break. Oh Alexander! why didn’t you go to the lake?! Okay… I am talking too much about Hamilton. I could go on forever.
CUTE OUTFITS. I am just shallow enough that I put together a really cute workout outfit and I wanted to show it off. I am 100% serious.
BUDS. I’ve talked about my gym buddy AL here before, yes? He’s legit and I owe him many many things. The other day we were hanging out and when it came time to say goodbye he told me he will see me at the gym Wednesday. He did not ask if I was going to the gym Wednesday. I was going. He will see me there. I went to the gym Wednesday. (oh and he did not!!)
DON’T THINK ABOUT IT. Seriously. Don’t weigh the pros/cons. Don’t negotiate with yourself. Don’t tell yourself to do this many miles or that many reps. Don’t focus on the pain, how hard it’s going to be, how tired you already are. Just put yourself on autopilot, lace up those shoes and GO. Once you’re out there, it’s not so bad! Don’t let the anticipation of it all keep you from a good workout.
SOCIAL MEDIA. I have lots of negative things to say about social media but here’s the good things: it can be inspiring (if you let it.) Go look at your fav IG accounts. Go look up motivational pinterest quotes. Go read blog posts.
FOCUS ON YOUR GOALS. Have a race coming up? A vacation where you want to look super hot on the beach? A date with a hot boy? I have all that in the near future so I don’t have time to be lazy. Do I have the arms (guns!) I want yet? Nope. Gotta go do some curls!
And of course there are the cheesy sayings you’ve seen a million times but that doesn’t mean they’re not true like:
After I gym’d, I adulted and went to work where as soon as I pulled up in the parking lot I remembered I left my lunch at home. AHH. I guess that means I had to order pho, right? It was wonderful. [Yes. I eat at my desk. I’m a 911 dispatcher. There’s a 90% chance if you ever have to call 911, your dispatcher just took the biggest bite of her life right before you called. Where my dispatchers at?! Swallow whole or stuff it in cheek???]
How do you motivate yourself to get up and go to the gym?
I recently talked about being uncomfortable and pushing yourself at the gym, which I’m glad I did because those negative thoughts came back in full force today. I used to go to yoga every week but life and laziness got in the way so today was the first time back since before my marathon. And I struggled!
Can I defend myself at all by saying it was hot yoga? I was only about 2 poses into the 90 minute class when I already started feeling light headed (dehydrated?? It’s hot in Phoenix!) I laid down in child’s pose (since I’m being honest… corpse pose) way more often than I liked, or usually need. I stuck to the easy versions, the modifications. I was not feeling great about myself.
Then about 3/4th the way through I thought back to my first class at this studio. I remembered how HARD it was for me then (more than a year and 30+ pounds ago.) I had to lie down for almost half of the class. I remember reporting back to my friend, Liz, who introduced me to the studio and telling her how rough it was! Compare that to today. Yes it was rough, but it was manageable. I still felt strong and able. It almost made me chuckle out loud how much of a difference it felt my first day vs today, an “off” day.
I still have weight to lose, muscle to gain, miles to go. But I have come SUCH a long way and I can only be proud of myself. It is way too easy to pick yourself apart, compare yourself to others and focus on the challenges that lie ahead. But try to stop and look behind you on this road and count every step forward you’ve made. (I literally do this on runs, sometimes. After running 8 miles, knowing I still have 4 to go and I’m tired and I want to stop… I will sometimes literally stop in my tracks and turn around. )
This process isn’t easy. It isn’t quick. It isn’t a straight line; there are ups and downs and bumps and bruises along the way. Some days are better than others. Some days you feel stronger, can push more, lift more. But try try try to look at the whole picture. Be proud of where you are now. Be proud of WHO you are now.