I’m here! I’m alive. I’m still working on my goals… little by little. The last time I blogged anything was exactly 3 months ago! I did not plan that. In fact, I had every intention of talking about the biggest thing lately, the NYCM! But….I couldn’t muster the words. That marathon was hard!
I’m sure I’ll write about it someday. But truth be told, coming off that marathon left me drained in almost every sense of the word. My trip to NY was wonderful but I think I left my love for running on the Queensboro Bridge. Lately running even short distances has been, well, hard. And my motivation has been non-existent! So, have I been doing other workouts instead? Nope. Have I been eating super clean since I’m not working out as hard? HAHA not even close.
Guys, my “fat pants” are getting tight. It’s time to get my ass in gear. But my love or even willingness to run is still not here. That doesn’t mean I’m done forever, but is it okay to take a break? Can you have running depression?
I did not do well at the NYCM. And when I mean, I didn’t do well, I mean it took everything in me to finish. And left me with nothing. I still feel like I have nothing to give running. 1.5 months later. I know no one is timing my easy runs but I am still beating myself up that I should be faster/ stronger/ have better endurance / better form and on and on. Am I being a little brat about the whole thing? Yeah, probably.
Should I just force myself to go hoping that the passion I once had for the sport comes back? I honestly don’t know. I have a few races I’m already signed up for that are quickly approaching and I don’t want to bonk or defer those so I’m running out of training time.
So what’s my plan? Honestly at this point it’s just do what I can when I can in terms of running. Eating healthy is a high priority but running love will come.
The other day I was talking with a friend and he asked me a question that kind of caught me off guard for a number of reasons. When he left I started journaling about it/my thoughts since and decided I wanted to write about it on here. I’m not even sure what’s the best way to get this out but thought it could be a good thing. So let me just ramble and share and talk about whats rattling around in my head, okay? Okay. So what did my friend ask me?
Had I noticed any difference in the way men treated me since I had lost weight?
I started to type up all the thoughts that raced through my head after I heard the question but I don’t think I could adequately explain even with all the blog space on the internet.
Simple answer? Yes.
I didn’t lose weight to get more dates or to find a husband… necessarily. I lost weight for my health, but let’s be real, it was like 90% of the reason. The other 10% were plain old superficial reasons. Yes, I wanted (want) to feel good, but I also wanted to look good. And I do look better. And guys are noticing.
When I date someone new, eventually I feel like I need to “disclose” my fat past. Ha. It’s not that big a secret but it is a part of me and my weight is constantly on my mind. After 27ish years of being overweight, there are lingering insecurities. It’s been over 2 years since I hit my goal weight (although it’s crept up a few… or 20) But there are times when I really really really feel like that 180 lb girl again. And boys didn’t think that 180 lbs girl was that cute.
And the truth is, it’s NICE to feel attractive to the opposite sex. (Or preferred sex.) It’s nice to be asked out on a date and get dressed up and actually like your outfit and not just put on whatever hides your belly or doesn’t give you a muffin top.
Losing weight for a man shouldn’t be the sole reason. It shouldn’t be the top of the list. I am in no way advocating that it be. But can it be on the list at all? Can it be wayyy down at the bottom? Sometimes I am grasping at whatever motivates me to get to the gym or pick baby carrots over Cheetos. So yes, sometimes the only thing that gets through to me is the thought of my ass looking hot in jeans next time this guy sees me.
Whoa that month went by quick! I knew when I got into the marathon that even though I had 8 months till the big day, time was going to fly by and I had no time to slack off.
But then I kind of slacked off… It’s been an interesting month full of ups and downs and I learned a lot about health and life.
In terms of vacation plans, I already spoke to my aunt and I’m all set to stay with them for the weekend. I have a hotel in the city for just a couple nights. I have my plane ticket and my ticket for an actual BROADWAY SHOW! Guys, I’m beyond excited! I picked Dear Evan Hansen (I tried to justify spending the $$ for Hamilton but… nope I couldn’t go it.)
I have all my workouts planned, now it’s just a matter of following through with them. And getting my eating back on track. I’ve been on vacation and even thought I stayed in town, I’ve had plenty of dinners out and really enjoying my time off. I always forget to take pictures but I did have a truly amazing dinner at Nobou at Teeter House in downtown Phoenix that was so indulgent and so worth it. But I did try and balance out my vacation with some outdoor activities and exercise.
But I’m back in the swing of things at work and back at the comfort of a routine.
I have lots of goals! I’ve been running but it’s been a lot of easy runs and junk miles. I haven’t been pushing myself nearly enough and time if ticking away!
> I definitely want to work on my speed and get faster overall
> I want to get back into weights and strength training x2 a week
> I want to cross train x1 a week. Mostly yoga but cycling at least x1 a month
> I want to drop about 15 lbs before the marathon
7 months to go!!! I’m so so so excited for this race and I want to do it proud!
In my Pre-calc class, my teach hung a sign next to the clock that read, “Time will pass. Will you?”
I’ve been thinking a lot about this saying lately. I obviously am not having to “pass” anything anymore but back when I was in my ‘post goal weight but the scale is creeping back up’ funk I would focus on how much time it took to lose 50 pounds. It took me a while. Probably longer than it would take you. Yeah losing weight comes with a sacrifice, yes it can be hard but it also takes patience.
They say the average is 0.5-2 lbs a week. I think I would say it’s fair for me to lose 1 lb a week. If I have to lose 15 lbs then that’s 15 weeks. That’s almost 4 whole months! That’s freaking April!
So I wouldn’t even try. Huh?
Time will pass. No matter if I eat healthy, exercise, sleep all day or eat pizza at every meal. April will be here before I know it! So I might as well. Maybe I’m the only gal that obsesses over the time table. Maybe it was just another subconscious excuse to go through the Del Taco Drive Thru 1 more time. But I can either lose, maintain or gain weight for the next 15 +/- weeks. The choice is 100% on me.
If you saw my monthly check in post a couple weeks ago, you’ll see that I lost 8 pounds in 4 weeks! So now I’m only 6 lbs away from my “goal” anyway and that feels very doable!
I love this! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say they don’t have time to work out. I don’t mean this to be mean at all, but that is just an excuse. It’s not that they don’t have the time, it’st that they don’t make the time. I work 50 hours on a good day. I get to the gym. My sister is a full-time mom of a 4 year old. She runs more than I do. My coworker, works full time and has 3 teens and she works out hard at her gym. Where does your health fall on the priority list? Sometimes it is not at the top and that’s okay. Sometimes sleep, or being with family or sanity takes precedence! I get that 100%. But you have time for what you want to do, on the whole.
Try changing your language. Don’t say I don’t have time to workout; but instead working out is not a priority. And see if that “sits well” with you. If not, change your actions and see how that makes you feel.
This blog is just a little hobby. It isn’t much. Just a way for me to get my thoughts out and give me just tiniest bit incentive to stay on track. Only a few people I know “IRL” know about this place.
I don’t blog with any regularity. I also don’t remember what I’ve said! Haha but since I do feel like I have a bit of anonymity and the tiniest of tiny soap boxes, there are some things I want to talk about. I want to be more open and honest in 2017 (and maybe a bit more organized with these little posts of mine.)
Today I want to show off my blue shirt.
Here’s how I normally do my day. I go to the gym in the/my morning (I wake up around 2 pm usually) and go straight from there to work. (I work from 8pm to 6am) I have been known to forget 1) underroos 2) a bra 3) my hair dryer 4) shoes. It’s a miracle when I remember to bring all required equipment it takes to make me presentable.
Today I went into my closet to grab work clothes and originally I planned to wear a dress but decided to wait till tomorrow so I can dress up a bit for NYE. Then I saw this shirt hanging in the back of my closet.
I bought this shirt years ago. From Ross I think. It’s not fancy. But when I bought it (4 years ago??) it was too small and I never wore it. But I didn’t take it back or toss it. It just stayed on its hanger.
Then I lost 50 pounds. And I tried on the shirt again and it fit! I remember being SO ecstatic. One more reminder that all my hard work paid off.
And then I gained 20 pounds (well 19 to be exact!) Laying it all out on the table and I’m not proud at all to admit this. But since hitting my goal weight, I’ve gotten comfortable and back into some old habits. I’m nowhere near my highest weight and there is some muscle on this body of mine. But I’m up. And my clothes have been fitting more and more snug lately. And I haven’t worn this shirt in a while.
So this morning, I stood in my closet trying to pack up for work and I saw this shirt and told myself I couldn’t wear it. I didn’t think I could fit into it. But lately I’ve been working really hard to overcome some of the issues I let plague me and that includes some BDD thoughts. So I grabbed this shirt and stuffed into my bag (and prayed it fit! I do keep an extra shirt in my gym locker. I can forget a hair dryer and still go to work but a shirt? I don’t think that would fly.)
I worked out (turned into a back day. No time for biceps…) and then I got dressed. IT FITS! I would dare say, it’s even roomy.
I gave this shirt so much power. I refused to wear it or even try it on because of what I let it signify. I was so scared of what it would mean “when” it was too small again. It’s just a damn shirt. Haha. I’ve worked hard to get where I am now, even if it’s not where I would like to end up. But guess what, my journey isn’t over!
The Long Beach Half is a short 8 weeks away! The longest run I’ve done so far has been only 6 miles! But they were good miles so I think I’ll be ready. I am constantly working on my speed, doing sprints and tempos etc, and really do want to get faster but when it all comes right down to it, I just LIKE to run slow.
The day after my 6 miler, I went out for 4 miles with every intention of them being junk miles. And it was fun. I went slow and listened to my tunes and up and ran along a path I don’t always get to run along and it was a great time. Did it help my training? I can’t say. But it was a bit of a reminder why I do this crazy sport.There is something about it that I actually do think is fun! Many people probably don’t feel that way, I get it, but we’re all different. 🙂
Life has been a little bit nuts over here in the ol’ RSF household and to be honest, it’s been easy to give myself excuses to not get out there and workout. Last night at work (midnighter 6p-6a right here) was a really rough, tough day. We were dealing with a big crime that happened in my dear city and it was a long, long night. (Worse for my friends that got held over at the end of their shift. So how much can I complain?!) But the day before I got the worst sleep. I got bad news right before I went to fall asleep, which kept me up way too late and then I kept dreaming about that news, distorting it- making it better, making it worse than reality- which really shook me up and kept waking me up. I think I got a total of 4 hours and woke up about 7 times in between. To go from that to what happened at work… rough. My sprints that were scheduled after work DEFINITELY got postponed.
(When I finally got home, I went straight to bed and got NINE whole solid hours. I was shocked, actually and was almost late to the gym! Even setting my alarm, I was like, there’s no way I’m going to sleep that long. But I did. I was tired.)
Sometimes life happens and gets in your way and cuts into your training plan. Most of the time my excuses to skip a sweat session are muchhhh less valid. I know I’m still trying to work on overcoming all those excuses and justifications and get off my butt! I think I’ve said before that I don’t believe in willpower. It’s a myth. It’s NOT a thing. Don’t surround yourself with temptation and set yourself up to fail. Replace “willpower” with motivation and positive reinforcement! Don’t think about all the reasons why you can’t / why it’s hard and remember ALL the reasons why you CAN and should and WANT TO.
Excuse: I’m too busy.
We are all busy. Everyone. It’s a matter of making it a priority. Schedule it into your day like another appointment. Do a small workout when you can (and repeat throughout the day.) Can you kill two birds? Running errands-can you walk to the store? Going out with friends- can you do something active instead of drinks/dinner out?
Excuse: It’s too boring.
Don’t even come at me with this one. There are 1,000 things to do that ‘count’ as exercise. Swim, bike, hike, run, walk, dance, zumba, pilates, yoga, lift weights, box, kayak, crossfit. Try them all and find something you like!
Excuse: I’m too tired.
Gah this one hits me where it hurts. This is my go-to. I honestly, not being hyperbolic, do not get enough sleep. It’s pathetic and my trainer-bff AL tells me all the time I need to get. more. sleep. (Another reason I was amazed I slept for 9 hours. Truly unheard of around these parts.) I’m tired a lot. But truth is, working out gives you energy. Not just for that day either, but if exercise is a regular part of your lifestyle, you’ll have more energy than someone sitting on the couch all day. Also, please get more sleep.
Excuse: My (something) hurts.
Is it sore or is it injured? If injured, go to the Dr. If it’s sore, RICE that shhh and get back out there. Take care of your body and treat it well but don’t tell yourself you don’t have to move because you have weak ankles. Also, there’s a reason water aerobics are a thing! Pool running all the way!
Excuse: It’s too hot
Dude. this one is just me feeling sorry for myself. In AZ, if I don’t run in the dark at like 3:00 AM its too too hot! I started my 6 miler later than I wanted (slept in! hah) and went out around 6 AM. I started my run at 84 deg. 6 miles later and it was 97!! So I run in the dark. I run on the treadmill. I deal with the heat and run in paths I know have functional water fountains.
Also get your mind off of it! During my last hill run, I made my friend keep texting me fantasy stories of being off in some beautiful, cool weathered place with him instead of stuck running up some high hill in the crazy AZ heat. That worked like a charm! 🙂
Don’t have a babysitter? Get the kids involved. Don’t want to pay for a gym membership? DON’T! There are so many things you can do at home/ at the park / at the pool that cost a grand total of $0.00. Don’t know what you’re doing or if you’re doing the move correctly? Do what you know/can and research the rest. There are sites (bodybuilding.com is a great one) and youtube videos and I’m sure you know someone that’s a gym rat that can help. Pinterest has tons of ideas on routines.
Don’t let excuses get in your way and stop you from achieving your goals. From what you WANT.