… Used to be

used to be

Let’s talk about this!

I recently talked about being uncomfortable and pushing yourself at the gym, which I’m glad I did because those negative thoughts came back in full force today. I used to go to yoga every week but life and laziness got in the way so today was the first time back since before my marathon. And I struggled!

Can I defend myself at all by saying it was hot yoga? I was only about 2 poses into the 90 minute class when I already started feeling light headed (dehydrated?? It’s hot in Phoenix!) I laid down in child’s pose (since I’m being honest… corpse pose) way more often than I liked, or usually need. I stuck to the easy versions, the modifications. I was not feeling great about myself.

Then about 3/4th the way through I thought back to my first class at this studio.  I remembered how HARD it was for me then (more than a year and 30+ pounds ago.) I had to lie down for almost half of the class. I remember reporting back to my friend, Liz, who introduced me to the studio and telling her how rough it was!  Compare that to today. Yes it was rough, but it was manageable. I still felt strong and able. It almost made me chuckle out loud how much of a difference it felt my first day vs today, an “off” day.

trying hardest

I still have weight to lose, muscle to gain, miles to go. But I have come SUCH a long way and I can only be proud of myself. It is way too easy to pick yourself apart, compare yourself to others and focus on the challenges that lie ahead. But try to stop and look behind you on this road and count every step forward you’ve made.  (I literally do this on runs, sometimes. After running 8 miles, knowing I still have 4 to go and I’m tired and I want to stop… I will sometimes literally stop in my tracks and turn around. )

rsf progress

This process isn’t easy. It isn’t quick. It isn’t a straight line; there are ups and downs and bumps and bruises along the way. Some days are better than others. Some days you feel stronger, can push more, lift more. But try try try to look at the whole picture. Be proud of where you are now. Be proud of WHO you are now.