I ate a Donut! And it was okay (the action, not the taste. It tasted delicious!)

I was overweight for a long time. There are psychological affects that linger when you’re constantly scanning and finding you’re the biggest girl in the room. I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with food for so long; it got better when I finally took control and lost the weight but there are some old habits I’ve found myself falling back on.

before-and-after

Just recently I’ve decided to address some of these issues head on. One of them is my binge eating.I don’t think it would surprise anyone to learn that a girl who was almost 200lbs would binge but even 40 lbs lighter, I still have these episodes. I am not 100% comfortable getting into specifics but it’s something that’s there in my life and something I have to deal with. Like that HIMYM episode about baggage. Well my carry on reads “binge eater.”

Image result for himym baggage

I was talking to someone recently who understand what I’m going through and he suggested this exercise to me. He told me to eat one donut and my response was, “I’ve never eaten just one donut.” Here’s what I did:

After work, a time when I’m tired and my cravings for junk are in full force, I went to my favorite donut place, Bosa. Donuts are a huge “trigger food” for me. I told myself I was going to buy one and only one donut, so when I went in I chose very carefully. I wasn’t allowing myself to have alllll the flavors so I had to pick a good one. I went with the kind with peanuts on top!

donut

Then I ate it there. I didn’t eat in the car. I didn’t eat it at home in secret. I ate it out in the open because what I was doing was okay. It wasn’t shameful. And I savored every bite. I didn’t watch TV or listen to a podcast. I didn’t go on FB or IG. I paid attention to what I was eating.

And I told myself what I was doing was a good thing! I repeated it in my head. It didn’t matter how many calories, grams of fat, grams of sugar this food had. I wasn’t “ruining” or “cheating” on my diet. I wasn’t a failure for giving into temptation or going off the rails. I was 100% in control. And it felt really good.